DEAR HARRIETTE: The other day I ran into a guy with whom I had gone out on a date once, more than 30 years ago. Every time I see him, he acts like a lascivious lech. He is horrible. I do my best to keep my distance.
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Years ago, when he met my husband, he told him that I was almost his. That is not the case.
This time I saw him when I was picking up my daughter and her friends from the train. I was friendly but distant. Apparently, the way he looked at me made my daughter’s friends uncomfortable. And when I passed him, he reached out to greet me with a hug. I reluctantly hugged him so as not to cause a scene. They said they thought he was hitting on me. Yuck! I have never led this guy on.
Is there anything I can do other than keep my distance? He seems harmless, just gross.
— Not an Old Flame
DEAR NOT AN OLD FLAME: What you are doing may be best in that you are acknowledging his existence but not taking it further. Ignoring him completely could push him to try to get you to pay more attention to him.
You do not need to hug or touch him. You can keep your physical distance and back up when he leans in. Smile, say hello and keep it moving.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a 40-year-old single mother of twin 10-year-old daughters. I have been dating a guy for a year. I really like him and even think he could be the one.
My daughters, however, have been nothing but nasty to him, regardless of how well he has treated them. He has brought them gifts and taken them to do fun activities, but they still aren’t impressed.
I know it’s because they feel as if I am replacing their dad, who unfortunately died when they were 6. I loved him very much, but I am ready to find another partner.
I feel distraught about how to proceed in this relationship because I don’t want to make everyone who’s involved have a miserable life if we marry. I have tried breaking through to them about my boyfriend and telling them that he’s not here to replace their dad, but they just don’t listen.
I am thinking of breaking up with him even though I really like him.
What are your opinions on my situation?
— Making Peace
DEAR MAKING PEACE: Your girls need more time. While a year may seem like a long time to you and your guy, it is not long from the perspective of a life.
If you and he seriously want to marry and create a family together, you both have to be willing to be patient and continue to build relationships with the girls.
In addition, get the girls professional support. Put them in therapy, individually and with you as family. A therapist may be able to help all of you come to terms that will be welcoming to everyone and clear a path forward.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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