May 29, 2024
Plus: Should I let my teenage daughters stay home alone, despite my gut instinct?

DEAR HARRIETTE: My fiance is 24, and I am 33. I met him last year at a restaurant, and we have been together ever since. He recently proposed! We are both excited to get married and start a life together.

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I am in the process of looking to buy a home, and this week I found one that I could see myself in for a long time. My financial adviser told me that I was $15,000 short of making a down payment. I didn’t want to ask my fiance; I knew he wouldn’t have the money since he has a ton of student loans he is working to pay off.

I had an idea to sell my Mercedes-Benz convertible because I also have a Toyota that I use year-round. It didn’t even take a day for it to sell, and I was happy to be able to purchase the home.

When I told my fiance, he was upset because he wanted to be able to drive the Mercedes around during the summers and show off.

His reaction has been upsetting me because now it feels like he is just using me for my money and material possessions and not because he really loves me.

I have worked hard to get to where I am today financially, and I have a good job. I hate feeling like he loved that car more than me, and I have even been thinking of calling off the engagement. What do you suggest I do?

— Meeting of the Minds

DEAR MEETING OF THE MINDS: While you two are engaged, you are not behaving as two people who are about to spend their lives together.

You are looking to buy a home without consulting with your fiance. You sold your car without talking to him about it. He is criticizing you for selling your own car when he should be congratulating you on buying a house.

While his reason for wanting to drive it is superficial, it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s taking advantage of you. You had a luxury car he had hoped to enjoy, so a little disappointment is natural.

You need to sit down together and talk about your future. What do you want? What does he want? How can you build a life together? You should be proud of your accomplishments, but unless you figure out how to work with your fiance to make a life together, it will not work.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughters are 13 and 15, and I don’t trust them to stay home alone for the weekend.

My husband and I are celebrating 15 years of marriage, and we want to go away for the weekend without our kids. I told them that they are going to stay with their aunt and uncle because I want someone to keep an eye on my daughters and be able to drive them places.

They act as if I am doing this to punish them, and they have been begging me to let them stay home.

My younger daughter is at an age where I have been met with a lot of resistance and rebellion. I don’t want her to do anything or go anywhere that I wouldn’t allow if I were home.

Do you think I should give her the opportunity to gain my trust or go with my gut and send her to my sister’s house?

— Protect the Teens

DEAR PROTECT THE TEENS: Trust your gut, and let your sister know their states of mind so she is prepared to deal with them when they arrive. It’s better for them to be mad at you than possibly to be in harm’s way.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.

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Harriette Cole: We went on one date, and he’s so gross every time I see him

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